By Our Man in the Back Pew
Steve Tomkins

I have to say, I've enjoyed worshipping in all kinds of churches in my time, but this wasn't one of them.

The worship leader started with the kind of grin you need cosmetic surgery to achieve at this time on a Sunday morning, strummed a cheery chord on his guitar and called out, "Are you happy?"

The congregation mumbled something non-committal. The worship leader hitched his genetically modified smile up a notch, gave us another jolly strummity-strum on his guitar and cried, "I said, are you happy?"

"Yes," replied the flock, putting some effort into sounding convincing this time. But not enough. "That's not good enough!" he chuckled. "Come on, we're in church! So. Are you happy?"

"YES!!!"

At which point I stood up and called out, "I'm not happy. And the only thing I can think of that would make me happy is ramming that guitar down your throat."

Actually, I didn't. I just sat there with my arms folded, looking sulky. But the thought was there.

It wasn't a good start for me, and as the service progressed it just wasn't working. I found myself listening to the words that I was singing and wondering what they had to do with my life.

The problem was, like coat-hanger mouth at the front, these songs were all so... well, happy. There were gung-ho marching songs full of confidence and victory, hymns of thankfulness and joy, choruses of serenity and delight.

Anything about feeling miserable or worried was in very short supply. The only time they mentioned any of life's problems was to say that Jesus has sorted them all out.

"How true is this to my life?" I wanted to know. Not that I felt I was at the end of my rope and about to start blubbing, or even that I was particularly grumpy. But there was enough on my mind to make the impulse to dance as David danced pretty easy to resist.

So why are there no songs saying...

When I stand in your presence today,
I feel just about OK.

...?

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© Ship of Fools 2001